It's going to be an emotional post. Please, don't read for the sake of reading this post.

I don't know why, I always felt that I am not being appreciated. I am not being appreciated by almost everyone. I just had that feeling.

Family - They does not seems to appreciate all the little things that I had done for them. I don't mind though. But I don't know if they are selfish or what *can't think of a better word to replace*, they always blame me for those little mistake I did. They do not seems to care for my feeling and my thoughts. Just like yesterday, I was packing my room, books are all over the floor. I was requested my aunt not to enter my room and leave me alone for a time being to pack my room then she could just come in all she want. Just a moment ago I told her, she knocked at my room door and bring my youngest cousin in. I was pissed off at that moment when my room is so messy. But why is she doing it? She is just thinking for my cousin's feeling. What about mine? I don't know. I just felt an addition burden on me when there is someone staring at me while I am packing my things. Don't you? My cousin is not even a help to me, he just sit and stare. It may be true that he is not disturbing me, but there is just an addition burden on me, coming from no where. Things went wrong, I quarrel with my aunt, pushed her out of my room, chased my grandmother away and pissed my cousin's mum. I am so pissed off at that moment. Very frustrated. I felt so bad when I came to think about at night while I am doing my daily reflection. I felt guilty. However, coming to think of that, I wasn't at fault in the first place. *giving retarded look*.

Friends - I LOVE my friends. I really appreciate them. I am always looking forward for an outing with my friends. I'll trying not to be late, tried not to change or cancel the outing. Likewise, I can't feel the sincerity in them (not all but some) when they are going out with me. They are late and does not seems to be feeling guilty or even apologize. I don't mind my friends been late and not apologizing. It's that sincerity I couldn't feel in them. It maybe true that you can't feel that sincerity in just minutes or hours. But as you know the person from times to times, you should be able to study their body languages. I don't know if I am thinking too much or what. I am always worried that my friends does not enjoy my pressence at some point of time. I am always thinking thoroughly every night when I go out with my friends, " Did they enjoy? ". I really appreciate what all my friends had done, my Brother, Sisters and close friends. You guys make me feel great. But... *wordless*.. Am I being too Kind or Selfish or what ? A friend of mine just dozed off while I am talking to him, I don't blame him, I know he is tired. maybe I am too bored.

Am I thinking too much? I think I am. Now my question is,